I recently flew to my childhood neighborhood to care for my mother. She had open heart surgery two days before Christmas and my purpose was to transition her from nursing care to home. It was a bittersweet trip. She still lives in the home that I grew up in and like old friends, we always pick right up where we left off, cracks and creaks and musty cupboards and all.
In forty five years I've never returned to an empty house and it felt for the first time like a stranger. Awkward. Like one of us had gotten the braces off and grew three inches and had a boyfriend. I made a similar trip this time last year when my dad passed away after a three year battle with a rare form of cancer. The house had started to change then but at the time we could still whisper secrets at night. This time in the dark that first night, alone with my memories and wary of the cracks and creaks I fell a little in love with Neko Case and the replay button on my iTunes.
Chimney falls and lovers blaze
Thought that I was young
Now I've freezing hands and bloodless veins
As numb as I've become
I'm so tired
I wish I was the moon tonight
I witnessed my mom be my dad's caregiver. For three years until a few days before he died it was just her, my brothers and myself when we could be there, and some dear compassionate neighbors who would rush over when the neuropathy from the chemo weakened him so and he would fall and my nearly eighty year-old mother couldn't lift him.
God blessed me, I'm a free man
With no place free to go
I'm paralyzed and collared-tight
No pills for what I fear
This is crazy
I wish I was the moon tonight
I didn't know what to expect once I got my mom home. Fortunately she's a tough bird and is faring quite well on her own now. But that night, it was all up to me and I didn't know if I could be what she needed. It was that night that I realized that she has spent the last year alone in a home that has changed for her, too.
As I hit replay over and over I thought about clients and friends that have been caregivers longer than they've not been. I wished I could be their moon. That orb that holds all in a pale, watery hug. Never lonely or lacking for company amongst the plethora of stars above and wistful souls below.
How will you know if you found me at last
'Cause I'll be the one, be the one, be the one
With my heart in my lap
I'm so tired, I'm so tired
And I wish I was the moon tonight
I'm so tired, I'm so tired,
And I wish I was the moon
In forty five years I've never returned to an empty house and it felt for the first time like a stranger. Awkward. Like one of us had gotten the braces off and grew three inches and had a boyfriend. I made a similar trip this time last year when my dad passed away after a three year battle with a rare form of cancer. The house had started to change then but at the time we could still whisper secrets at night. This time in the dark that first night, alone with my memories and wary of the cracks and creaks I fell a little in love with Neko Case and the replay button on my iTunes.
Chimney falls and lovers blaze
Thought that I was young
Now I've freezing hands and bloodless veins
As numb as I've become
I'm so tired
I wish I was the moon tonight
I witnessed my mom be my dad's caregiver. For three years until a few days before he died it was just her, my brothers and myself when we could be there, and some dear compassionate neighbors who would rush over when the neuropathy from the chemo weakened him so and he would fall and my nearly eighty year-old mother couldn't lift him.
God blessed me, I'm a free man
With no place free to go
I'm paralyzed and collared-tight
No pills for what I fear
This is crazy
I wish I was the moon tonight
I didn't know what to expect once I got my mom home. Fortunately she's a tough bird and is faring quite well on her own now. But that night, it was all up to me and I didn't know if I could be what she needed. It was that night that I realized that she has spent the last year alone in a home that has changed for her, too.
As I hit replay over and over I thought about clients and friends that have been caregivers longer than they've not been. I wished I could be their moon. That orb that holds all in a pale, watery hug. Never lonely or lacking for company amongst the plethora of stars above and wistful souls below.
How will you know if you found me at last
'Cause I'll be the one, be the one, be the one
With my heart in my lap
I'm so tired, I'm so tired
And I wish I was the moon tonight
I'm so tired, I'm so tired,
And I wish I was the moon
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